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Genesis 13:8-9 “So Abram said to Lot, ‘Let’s not have any quarrelling between you and me, or between your herders and mine, for we are close relatives. Is not the whole land before you? Let’s part company. If you go to the left, I’ll go to the right; if you go to the right, I’ll go to the left.’”

Think

My dad got a phone call one afternoon. The President of the United States wanted him to fly to Washington to sit down and meet. That’s not a request most people turn down. When the leader of the free world calls and asks you to come, you go. You rearrange your calendar. You cancel whatever else is on the schedule.

My dad said no. He declined the meeting with the President because my brother had a basketball game that night. A junior varsity basketball game.

I’ve never forgotten that. Saying no to the President and yes to a JV basketball game? That’s some strong stuff. And it taught me something I carry to this day. My dad understood something that a lot of people miss entirely. He understood that putting others first isn’t about the grand gestures. It’s about the small, costly choices that nobody else would even notice.

Most people would have gone to Washington. Most people would have told their son, “I’ll catch the next one.” And nobody would have blamed them. But my dad had already decided what mattered most. He didn’t weigh the options in the moment. The decision was already made. His son came first.

That’s the posture Abraham brought to one of the most famous negotiations in the Bible.

Abraham was the one with the promise. God had called him. God had blessed him. God had told him that his descendants would be as numerous as the stars. Lot didn’t have that promise. Lot was tagging along. And when conflict broke out between their herders, Abraham had every right to pull rank. He could have said, “God called me, not you. I pick first.”

But look at what he said instead. “Let’s not have any quarreling between you and me. Is not the whole land before you? Let’s part company. If you go to the left, I’ll go to the right; if you go to the right, I’ll go to the left.”

You choose first. Three words that revealed everything about Abraham.

And Lot chose the best land. He looked at the well-watered plain of the Jordan, lush and green, and took it for himself. He didn’t hesitate. He didn’t offer to split it down the middle. He grabbed the prime real estate and left Abraham with the rest. And Abraham let him. No argument. No resentment. No passive-aggressive comment about how ungrateful Lot was being. Abraham simply trusted that the God who had called him would provide for him, regardless of which direction Lot went.

That’s what makes Abraham’s response so remarkable. He didn’t defer to Lot because Lot deserved it. He deferred because that’s who Abraham was. His generosity wasn’t calculated. It wasn’t conditional. It flowed out of a trust in God that was so deep he didn’t need to grab for himself. He could give Lot the best option because he knew God was handling the rest.

That’s what real deference looks like. It comes from security, not insecurity. It comes from a person who knows who they are in God and doesn’t need to elbow their way to the front of the line. When you’re confident that God is your provider, you can let someone else go first. When you’re confident that God sees you, you don’t need to make sure everyone else does too.

Think about the environments you walk through every day. The office. The school drop-off line. The restaurant. The gym. How many of those spaces are driven by people jockeying for position? Trying to be noticed. Trying to be first. Trying to make sure their voice is the loudest in the room. And how refreshing is it when someone in that environment simply defers? When someone says, “After you”? When someone gives up the better parking spot, the better seat, the better opportunity – not because they have to, but because they’ve decided that other people matter more than position?

The world will always tell you to take the meeting. Take the promotion. Take the best seat. The world says the biggest room is the most important one, and the most powerful person in that room is the one you should be trying to sit next to. But the kingdom of God runs on a different economy. In the kingdom, the greatest is the servant. In the kingdom, the last are first. In the kingdom, a junior varsity basketball game can outweigh a trip to the White House, because the people in front of you are more important than the platform behind you.

My dad never talked about that decision. He didn’t tell that story to teach me a lesson. He probably didn’t think twice about it. But I did. And decades later, it’s still one of the clearest pictures I have of what it looks like to put someone else first. Not when it’s easy. Not when it costs nothing. But when the alternative is impressive, prestigious, and entirely justifiable, and you choose the person sitting in the bleachers instead.

That’s the kind of deference Abraham showed Lot. That’s the kind of deference the gospel calls us to. And it only comes from one place: knowing that God has already given you more than you could ever give away.

Apply

Choose second – Identify one situation today where you would normally put yourself first: the best seat, the first word, the prime position. Deliberately give it to someone else. Not because they earned it, but because God has already given you everything you need.

Pray

Lord, forgive me for the times I’ve treated people differently based on what they could do for me. Give me the kind of security Abraham had, the kind that comes from trusting you so deeply that I can let others go first without keeping score. In Jesus’ name. Amen.